Mangawhai Counsellor | Leanne French Relationship Expert & Counsellor

Tag Archives: Mangawhai Counsellor

Setting Boundaries Protects Our Energy.

I think healthy boundaries are about reciprocal respect. They include setting up and communicating reasonable, clear expectations of acceptable ways for other people to behave towards us that contribute to feeling safe, supported and valued.

Imagine crouching under one of those slightly dented, aluminium colanders with a lot of holes. That’s kind of what my boundaries looked like when I was a kid.

When I first learnt about boundaries as a young therapist, I replaced that colander with a magnificent castle on a lush flower-filled island, surrounded by a moat, filled with snapping piranhas. I installed a drawbridge that only I could lift or lower because after all, the most important boundary a person can set, is limiting their availability. I also created a shield with light, bullet proof, glittery glass bricks, because the goal of boundaries is to be protected and stay connected at the same time.

My boundaries might seem like a fortress to some, but they serve to keep me clear, focused, more tolerant, and compassionately away from resentment.

Continue reading →

Tags: Beliefs, Boundaries, Boundary setting, childhood trauma, covid19, dread, emotional regulation, healthy connections, Leanne French Counsellor, Mangawhai Counsellor, needs and wants, Northland relationship counsellor, NZ Relationship Expert, personality disordered, rage, Respect, stress reduction, telehealth counsellor, therapist, Toxic relationships, values, Why are boundaries important

Comments Leave a Comment
Categories Addiction, Boundaries, Communication, Conflict resolution, Counselling, Covid-19, Gossip, Gratitude, Health, Kindness, Mindfulness, Raising children, Relationship advice, Self-care, Toxic Friendships, Wellbeing

Why Hope is Helpful in Hurtful Situations.

20 Jul

Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today. Thich Nhat Hanh

I don’t think I’m alone in noticing that hostility and adversity are creeping into our collective culture more and more.

When other humans dump either of those on our doorstep, it’s such an unwelcome package. Being the recipient of threatening, thoughtless, hurtful or selfish behaviour wrapped up with string is a good time to think about Marcus Aurelius, Philosopher and Roman Emperor (121—180 C.E.) and what he wrote in Meditations about the pitfalls of human behaviour; “When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly.”

To be fair, in the practice of positive psychology, where both the good and bad parts of life are equally genuine, it’s also good to remind ourselves that although people can be horrible and the news media hardly ever reports on goodness and social media might not leave us feeling content, in our real life there’s usually an abundance of good deeds, good behaviour and lovely people who display and offer honesty, justice, loyalty, decency, trustworthiness, kindness, charity, reliability, appropriateness and warmth. Let’s all take a moment to be grateful for them.

Continue reading →

Tags: Boundaries, hostility and adversity, how to respond to difficult situations, Leanne French Counsellor, Mangawhai Counsellor, negative media, NZ Relationship Expert, positive psychology, Resilience, suffering, telehealth counsellor, why hope is important

Comments Leave a Comment
Categories Boundaries, Bullying, Conflict resolution, Counselling, Hope, Resilience, Wellbeing

Reaching For Booze & Food in Lockdown?

1 Sep

Photo by **Pavel Danilyuk** from **Pexels**

Usually we know deep within ourselves if what we are reaching for is either good for us or less good!

Do the usual rules and routines feel a bit like they’ve flown out the window in lockdown? And, who is around to hold us accountable? Just because we might be able to wear pyjamas or elastic waist pants, probably doesn’t mean we shouldn’t consider how many calories, and how much fat and sugar might be hiding in tempting treats.

Social media is normalising baking up a storm. Our feeds are full of it. There’s quarantini parties and invitations to join happy hour online. We might have to ask if we want to join the pack, or lead it? Just because everyone is doing it, doesn’t mean we have to. Social media is normalising baking up a storm. Our feeds are full of it. There’s quarantini parties and invitations to join happy hour online. We might have to ask if we want to join the pack, or lead it? Just because everyone is doing it, doesn’t mean we have to. Maybe it’s a better idea to limit or be more conscious of what we’re consuming and be kinder to our immune systems at a time they really need support?

Continue reading →

Tags: Addiction, Covid 19, Dependence, Leanne French Counsellor, lockdown, Mangawhai Counsellor, NZ Relationship Expert, Overindulging in lockdown, telehealth counsellor

Comments 1 Comment
Categories Addiction, Covid-19, Health, Mindfulness, Resilience, Self-care

World Smokefree Day. Let’s Stop Kids From Starting.

31 May

World Smokefree Day, that falls every year on May 31 is a chance to celebrate and work towards Smokefree/auahi kore lives for New Zealanders.

It happens to coincide with the release of a Government proposal in which the Ministry of Health have proposed a ‘grandfather’ policy, to progressively prohibit the sale of smoked tobacco products to a new age group each year. It would gradually increase the age of purchase restrictions by one year every year, so eventually it would be illegal to purchase if you’re under 25. Hooray.

The same proposal wants to limit the level of nicotine in cigarettes and put more investment into smoking cessation services. This is great for our future generation. Ask most smokers when they started, and they’ll say, ‘When I was a kid.’ And none of those kids realised they could get addicted to nicotine within days of first using it. Why? Because when they smoke, the nicotine goes to their brain. In 10 seconds. Straight to the part that controls feelings of pleasure and releases dopamine, a chemical that tricks them into thinking a cigarette equals pleasure. Then within a few minutes, the pleasure is gone, and the craving for a cigarette begins a new cycle.

Continue reading →

Tags: Government Smokefree Proposal, Grandfather tobacco proposal, Leanne French Counsellor, Mangawhai Counsellor, Nicotine addiction, Northland relationship counsellor, Quit smoking, Reduce nicotine proposal NZ, Restrict tobacco sales proposal NZ, Smokefree 2025, telehealth counsellor, Vape to Quit, World Smokefree Day

Comments Leave a Comment
Categories Addiction, Counselling, Health, New beginnings, Raising children, Save the World, Vape to Quit

13 Simple Ways to Relieve Overwhelm.

12 May

You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying, What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass. Timber Hawkeye.

Overwhelm can arrive when something triggers a powerful emotion in us; especially fear, which can then flood our mind with paralysing negative thoughts and emotions, and change our posture, breath and ability to cope.

It’s really important to be curious about our thought patterns, and to claw back some control because once negative thoughts overly take hold in our mind, they’re likely to distort the severity of our situation and have us focusing on dramatic consequences.

Emotional overwhelm occurs when the intensity of our feelings outmatches our ability to manage them. It can come from a single big stressor, like a pandemic. Or financial issues. Trying to make ends meet is probably number one in the list for tipping many people over the edge. Others find that overwhelm sweeps in like a tidal wave, brought on from a bunch of challenges like life transitions and losses that come at us one after the other.

Continue reading →

Tags: grief, Leanne French Counsellor, loss, Mangawhai Counsellor, money struggles, Northland relationship counsellor, overwhelm, pandemic, self soothe, stress, telehealth counsellor, transition

Comments 2 Comments
Categories Counselling, Covid-19, Health, Mindfulness, New beginnings, Self-care

Surviving Love in Lockdown. 10 Top Relationship Tips.

8 May

What if you’ve discovered you’re not one of those resilient couples, sheltering in place, strengthening bonds, feeling loved up and loving it? What if your version has been six hideous weeks of groundhog day in inescapable confinement, filled with endless stress, brick wall arguments, unworkable arrangements and mind-numbing chores? If you’re desperate to burst your bubble and run for the hills, don’t add to the pessimistic divorce and break-up statistics, these are extraordinary circumstances.

Uncertainty spews forth a range of challenges, from financial pressures to burdens like working from home while also caring full time for children. Take away all the welcome distractions that used to exist in life before Covid, and you’ve got a source of tension even in the strongest of relationships.

For relationships cracking at the seams, although it may feel hopeless, it doesn’t have to be. Why not reframe it? Think of it as a fast track opportunity for growth because adversity Continue reading →

Tags: 10 top relationship tips, 10 top tips to survive love in lockdown, covid19, covid19 and relationships, how to emotionally manage isolation, how to make sure your relationship survives lockdown, how to strengthen your relationship, Leanne French Counsellor, love in lockdown, Mangawhai Counsellor, Northland relationship counsellor, NZ Relationship Expert, relationship expert, restrictions strain relationships, telehealth counsellor

Comments 2 Comments
Categories Communication, Conflict resolution, Counselling, Covid-19, Kindness, Relationship advice

Tend and Cherish.

27 Apr

As the sorrow of sickness and silence spread, the stop sign rose and asked us to sit, together but apart, to be guests of nature and lend our ears to the birdsong, chirping crickets and intuition, instead of the usual roar of engines and economic hum.

We were asked to sit until remorse replaced restlessness so we could thrust aside mountainous obsessions of waste, and refuse to be swallowed up by inexhaustible convenience, coveted commodities and take aways that take away deeper nourishment, and to wait for the rise of bread, instead.

Sit they said, with blinders off as industry cools and hearts and homes are warmed. Wait until expectation is traded for appreciation so it becomes easier to undertake a scaled back, survival stock take, where love and local livelihood is supported and we embrace the significant and sustainable.

Sit and replace swelling fears of toils and troubles with soap and bubbles. Then with lion heart courage, forge forward, with fragility, onto the path of goodwill, into a morally determined destiny and consciously cultivate kindness for all of us endangered ones, here upon our enchanted earth.

Poem Tend & Cherish by Leanne French as I contemplate the last day of Level 4 Lockdown in New Zealand and somewhat lament the loss of the quietest earth day experienced in my lifetime.

Thanks so much to my beloved husband Wolfie for the fabulous daily graphics he’s made for me.

Tags: climate emergency, contemplating the end of level 4 lockdown, corona virus, covid19, Leanne French Counsellor, Mangawhai Counsellor, Northland relationship counsellor, NZ Relationship Expert, poem, poetry, save the earth, telehealth counsellor, tend and cherish

Comments 2 Comments
Categories Compassion, Covid-19, Gratitude, Kindness, Mindfulness, New beginnings, Save the World

Let’s All Be Better Humans.

26 Apr

Beyond thinking about how to stop microbe movement and economic downfalls, will we also think more about respect and empathy? Can we create a new vision of a better world, for ourselves, our community, our environment and for our beautiful earth? My hope is that we will mindfully pay more attention to the wee glimpses we have of a future where we know what we want and need, and then work towards making many tiny incremental changes so all creatures can flourish. Let’s make our future ancestors proud.

Tags: Leanne French Counsellor, let's all be better humans, Mangawhai Counsellor, NZ Relationship Expert, Save the World, telehealth counsellor

Comments Leave a Comment
Categories Compassion, Counselling, Covid-19, Health, Kindness, Mindfulness, New beginnings, Save the World

Same Storm. Different Boat.

22 Apr

While Mahatma Gandhi once said Dignity of human nature requires that we must face the storms of life, this present storm, the way we face it and the impact it will have on each and every one of us, will be incredibly diverse.

In the midst of disruption, there are commonalities. Heightened reactions, moments of confusion and clarity, and concern for safety and security. Human nature dictates we do what we can to save ourselves and then look around to offer a (socially distanced) helping hand.

We react in a thousand different ways because how we think, feel, act, need, want, hate, love and believe, stem from a huge variety of factors from our past experience, our resilience, the extent of support we have available, the size of our bank account, to where we’re positioned physically, socially, economically and emotionally.

While some may have anchored calmly, and others adjusted their sails towards rainbows and pots of gold, we cannot underestimate the emotional gale and financial swirl that this storm has brought upon many. Continue reading →

Tags: acts of kindness, Compassion, corona virus emotional wellbeing, covid19, Hope, Kindness, Leanne French Counsellor, making judgements, Mangawhai Counsellor, Northland relationship counsellor, Same storm different boats, storms, telehealth counsellor, Therapy, tolerance

Comments Leave a Comment
Categories Compassion, Conflict resolution, Covid-19, Health, Kindness, New beginnings, Resilience, Save the World, Self-care, Self-love

50 Reflective End of Year Family Questions.

3 Dec

How about introducing a new self reflective ritual into your family? As the year winds down it’s the perfect time to choose an evening or afternoon to gather together and consider things like: How was the past year? What worked and what did not work so well? What do I want to create in the year to come?

Continue reading →

Tags: family, goal setting, Leanne French Counsellor, Mangawhai Counsellor, Northland relationship counsellor, questions to consider, self reflection, telehealth counsellor