Leanne French Relationship Expert & Counsellor

1. Make lists and check them twice.
2. How you deal with tangled Christmas lights is usually a reflection of how you live your life. Aim for an attitude of “I can do this.” Stay curious, creative and calm.
3. If this time of the year is lonely or grief filled which it is for so many, it really is ok to acknowledge and embrace the truth of this. I’m sorry for your loss. Have it be okay to skip gatherings altogether if you need to, or seek support, light a candle in their honour, or make a plan to sprinkle a special favourite of theirs throughout your day like something from nature, or a favourite movie or drink.
4. If this time of the year is overloaded and overwhelming, choose your social commitments. If you sway between over responsible or obligated, you don’t have to do it all. Check your deeper needs and then just say yes or no. You don’t have to justify and defend or over explain your reasons.
5. Be sure to have sparkling mineral water, lime and sodas and other favourite sober alternatives on hand for special occasion days.
6. Get plenty of quality sleep to stay resourced and avoid reactive responses. Keep your breathing low and slow and your fuse long. 
7. Avoid running yourself ragged. Top yourself up with tiny joys, time out and healthy treats. Throw in some belly laughs and nonsense for good measure, it’s the silly season after all.
8. Never put yourself under financial pressure or go into debt to please others. Love is really enough in lean times. Remember too that the gift of your company, or handmade is planet saving and precious.
9. Consider what might go down at family gatherings and be prepared. Think about all the possible ways you and they could be naughty or nice and do your best to remain calm and drama free. Remember the value of brief exits, breathing and excusing yourself for chores, games and outside time.
10. If you have kids, or kids are present at celebrations, prioritize their emotions above your own as best as you can. They don’t want grown ups to be irritable, impatient or glued to devices. Put love and connection as front and centre as you can. Don’t make them hug or kiss anyone they don’t want to. If you’re at a gathering and someone’s neurodivergent child is wearing their noise cancelling headphones, don’t make a big deal out of it. They’re in self care mode. And if you’ve recently separated, or are going through difficult times, I send you strength. Buckle up for the ride, travel safely one and all and remember that speaking respectfully and kindly is a goal that also calms your nervous system.

Meri Kirihimete! (Merry Christmas!) I’m grateful for your presence in my life. With love, Leanne xx

Tags: calm and drama free Xmas, Christmas, coparenting Christmas, Emotional wellbeing, kids and Xmas, Leanne French Counsellor, naughty or nice, NZ Relationship Expert, telehealth counsellor