therapist | Leanne French Relationship Expert & Counsellor

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2023. Resolutions Are Out. Replenishing Self Care Is In.

If you’re scanning the horizon looking for the latest emotional wellbeing trends, the predictions will come as a welcome surprise for the exhausted amongst us.

It seems that constantly trying to make sense of what’s been happening in a world filled with uncertainty, unrest and upheaval has meant we’ve spent way too much time doom scrolling and over thinking. We’ve been like meerkats on high alert, constantly bracing our brains and bodies against the storm, causing resilience fatigue.

Emotional stress depletes us and calm revives us. We need timeout to lower our heart rate and blood pressure, to calm our tummies and relax our muscles. We need to find stillness to settle everything down, to breathe easier and to soften. It’s time to surrender, to find places to vanish into, to swan about in, and if that means spending more time in our bathtub dressed as a merperson, eating plant based ice cream listening to music, so be it. It seems we are all so over having to be strong that we’re more than ready to welcome in these stress banishing S words for 2023.

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Tags: clearhead, covid19, EAP, EAP Counsellor, emotional wellbeing trends, Joy, Leanne French Counsellor, liftmode, mental health trends 2023, mermaids, neurolift, New Year 2023, NZ Relationship Expert, ocp, resilience fatigue, stress relief, telehealth counsellor, therapist, trends for 2023

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Categories Compassion, Counselling, Covid-19, Health, Holiday celebrations, Hope, Kindness, Mindfulness, New beginnings, Resilience, Self-care, Self-love, Wellbeing

Setting Boundaries Protects Our Energy.

24 Aug

I think healthy boundaries are about reciprocal respect. They include setting up and communicating reasonable, clear expectations of acceptable ways for other people to behave towards us that contribute to feeling safe, supported and valued.

Imagine crouching under one of those slightly dented, aluminium colanders with a lot of holes. That’s kind of what my boundaries looked like when I was a kid.

When I first learnt about boundaries as a young therapist, I replaced that colander with a magnificent castle on a lush flower-filled island, surrounded by a moat, filled with snapping piranhas. I installed a drawbridge that only I could lift or lower because after all, the most important boundary a person can set, is limiting their availability. I also created a shield with light, bullet proof, glittery glass bricks, because the goal of boundaries is to be protected and stay connected at the same time.

My boundaries might seem like a fortress to some, but they serve to keep me clear, focused, more tolerant, and compassionately away from resentment.

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Tags: Beliefs, Boundaries, Boundary setting, childhood trauma, covid19, dread, emotional regulation, healthy connections, Leanne French Counsellor, Mangawhai Counsellor, needs and wants, Northland relationship counsellor, NZ Relationship Expert, personality disordered, rage, Respect, stress reduction, telehealth counsellor, therapist, Toxic relationships, values, Why are boundaries important

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Categories Addiction, Boundaries, Communication, Conflict resolution, Counselling, Covid-19, Gossip, Gratitude, Health, Kindness, Mindfulness, Raising children, Relationship advice, Self-care, Toxic Friendships, Wellbeing

Tame Your Thoughts.

15 Apr

Right now, more than ever, there are a lot of people experiencing turbulent thoughts that they describe as “having a hold over them.”

Our usual thoughts keep us pretty busy as it is, but lately it’s the catastrophic thoughts of future scenarios that appear to be running wild, egging on restlessness, confusion and anxiety.

Here’s what I want you to know. Thoughts may seem like they come from outside of us, but they actually come from inside us. We’re in control of what we think. Let’s not give thoughts a power that they don’t have. Thoughts don’t choose us. We choose them.

A situation in itself doesn’t create overwhelm or panic, only your thoughts about Continue reading →

Tags: catastrophizing, corona virus emotional wellbeing, covid19, goodness influencer, how to emotionally manage isolation, how to stop overthinking, overthinking, overwhelm, reducing anxiety, taming thoughts, therapist, thinking and feeling

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Categories Counselling, Covid-19, Health, Mindfulness, Save the World, Self-care

Hold on to Hope.

12 Apr

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It’s an Easter Sunday like no other. We’re on Day 18 of lockdown, and our Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern gave a great message of hope to the nation, granting the Easter Bunny (along with the Tooth Fairy) essential worker status. It was a moment of light hearted loveliness which made the chocolate loving children of New Zealand squeal with delight.

Hope allows us to believe there’s an illuminated pathway leading to a more desirable outcome.

Hope is a magic dispeller of despair.

Hope cheers us on somewhat, encouraging us to go the distance.

Don’t be surprised if it feels a little tough coming into the third week. The mundaneness and lack of pick me ups can make it a bit boring and lacking in the joy department. Rather than critically overly examining or picking our lives to pieces, it’s more spirit lifting to mix things up a bit, add pops of fun, and look to add Continue reading →

Tags: corona virus emotional wellbeing, Easter, Easter Bunny, goodness influencer, Hold on to hope, Hope, Jacinda Ardern, therapist

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Categories Covid-19, Holiday celebrations, Self-care

Calm is a Superpower.

9 Apr

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If someone is baiting you to argue, don’t take the hook. Swim around and find a calm, creative response rather than a reaction. Leanne French. Secret 59 from Fairytale Love – How to Love Happily Ever After.

Someone’s got to do it, so why not you?

Don’t jump to the conclusion that what’s going on has to be about you.
Stay focused on content that makes sense, and try to ignore emotional outbursts.
Be willing to check whether they are stressed or tired, and ask how you could make things better.
Change the mood of the conversation and trick them into escaping.

We control how we respond.

When we take our time to go within we can respond to the same event with annoyance or anger, or we can search for a more thoughtful way to respond with peace and calmness. Continue reading →

Tags: calm is a superpower, Covid-19, goodness influencer, how to avoid arguments, how to emotionally manage isolation, reducing conflict, therapist

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Categories Conflict resolution, Counselling, Covid-19, Health, Mindfulness, Raising children, Relationship advice, Save the World, Self-care

Shine On.

8 Apr

If the light within you is greater than the darkness around you, you are a star. Matshona Dhliwayo.

The full, ‘pink’ super moon which just so happens to be the brightest and boldest of the year, is not the only thing with the power to illuminate. We can all be light filled agents of change who spread love, generosity and kindness into the world.

Let’s brighten our day by peeking into the positives.

There are extraordinary experts who are keeping us informed and shedding light on what matters.
Inventors and makers are busting their butts, accomplishing amazing things that contrast the black backdrop of virus doom.
Investors are donating dollars to incentives.
Growers are keeping food and jobs alive.
Food producers and suppliers are finding delivery options making sure we stay nourished.
Entertainers are shining a light on various new ways to connect us with their art.
Front line and essential workers are beyond heroic right now.
Bored children are inviting parents to be brighter versions of themselves by joining in with their fun activities.
There’s a glow of gorgeousness that radiates from tiny toddlers trying their hand at all kinds of stuff.
Reporters and newspeople are out and about shining their light into what we all miss the most, which accentuates the things we value and highlights what we need to feel secure.
Positive, online community pages light us up with laughter, shared culinary delights, and helpful blogs.

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Tags: caring for yourself in lockdown, covid19, Do good things, goodness influencer, how to emotionally manage isolation, Kindness, positivity, Shine on, therapist

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Categories Compassion, Counselling, Covid-19, Gratitude, Health, Inspiration, Kindness, Save the World

Hang in There.

7 Apr

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Most of us have had a time or two or three in our lives where a situation bought us crashing to our knees, and everything changed in an instant.

When we couldn’t calm the storm, it passed. When we thought the fear and the flow of tears would never stop, they actually did. When our castles crumbled, they got rebuilt. When our scars healed, they were stronger than skin.

Events may differ, but those that hold the potential to disrupt life as we know it, need acceptance and require us to control the parts we can and let go of what we can’t.

Hanging in requires time to pass. For patience and co-operation. For feelings to be Continue reading →

Tags: corona virus emotional wellbeing, covid19, Facing feelings, goodness influencer, how to emotionally manage isolation, Resilience, therapist

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Categories Covid-19, Health, New beginnings, Resilience, Save the World, Self-care

Dig Deep.

6 Apr

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Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. Victor Frankl.

While I’m not asking you to carefully craft all of your conversations, if you’re finding it challenging being confined in closer circumstances for longer periods of time than you are used to, and conflict is causing concern, it could be beneficial to learn how to respond rather than react. Especially if you want to create a more emotionally comforting bubble to hang out in.

Choosing our response is about making sure it’s calm, considered, conscious and in line with our core values. It’s driven by wanting to get the best out of a situation for ourselves and others. Responding is more about actively taking our time to work out what Continue reading →

Tags: Choosing how we respond in a crisis, communication in confinement, corona virus emotional wellbeing, covid19, goodness influencer, Relationship rescue, Respond rather than react, therapist

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Categories Communication, Compassion, Conflict resolution, Counselling, Covid-19, Health, Kindness, Mindfulness, Relationship advice, Save the World, Self-care

Rest. Relax. Recharge.

5 Apr

If we want to live a wholehearted life, we have to become intentional about cultivating rest and play, and we must work to let go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self worth. Brene Brown.

Rest is when we shift from deliberate and effort filled thinking, to a more effortless, playful, peaceful, aimless wandering and daydreaming state.

Rest lowers our heart rate, stress and shoulders.

One of the most interesting things about rest is that it’s usually about carving out a wee chunk of solitary time, versus relaxing, which is able to be done in the Continue reading →

Tags: caring for yourself in lockdown, corona virus emotional wellbeing, covid19, goodness influencer, how to manage isolation, rest, restoring balance, therapist