If someone is baiting you to argue, don’t take the hook. Swim around and find a calm, creative response rather than a reaction. Leanne French. Secret 59 from Fairytale Love – How to Love Happily Ever After.
Someone’s got to do it, so why not you?
- Don’t jump to the conclusion that what’s going on has to be about you.
- Stay focused on content that makes sense, and try to ignore emotional outbursts.
- Be willing to check whether they are stressed or tired, and ask how you could make things better.
- Change the mood of the conversation and trick them into escaping.
We control how we respond.
When we take our time to go within we can respond to the same event with annoyance or anger, or we can search for a more thoughtful way to respond with peace and calmness.
Always practise the pause.
Ask, how do I want to handle what is happening? Always think about the consequences.
Observe.
Taking a step back and seeing a bigger picture encourages us to notice what’s happening with our feelings in the moment, and allows us to be curious as to whether we have been triggered, and why.
Remember to breathe.
Slow down the exhalation so that it’s twice as long as the inhalation.
Aim for a rational response.
It always beats an emotionally charged one. If it’s too hard, step away. Aim for a change of scenery or cool off with a splash of cold water. Move away, rather than sending them away to avoid a power struggle.
Create new calming habits.
Meditation, and self care routines that encourage stillness help us tune into our inner guidance system and make it easier to pull on calm as a conditioned response.
Go to a happy place.
Imagine a place in nature that is calming. Have a clear mental picture of what it looks like to stay calm and draw upon it in times of need.
Release the pressure cooker in other ways, at other times.
Getting physical helps. Yell into a pillow. Kick a ball. Weed the garden. Or write about it.
Play with new ways of communicating until something good clicks into place.
How do you conjure up calm as a superpower?
Leanne French Relationship Expert & Counsellor 
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