2023. Resolutions Are Out. Replenishing Self Care Is In.

31 Dec

If you’re scanning the horizon looking for the latest emotional wellbeing trends, the predictions will come as a welcome surprise for the exhausted amongst us.

It seems that constantly trying to make sense of what’s been happening in a world filled with uncertainty, unrest and upheaval has meant we’ve spent way too much time doom scrolling and over thinking. We’ve been like meerkats on high alert, constantly bracing our brains and bodies against the storm, causing resilience fatigue.

Emotional stress depletes us and calm revives us. We need timeout to lower our heart rate and blood pressure, to calm our tummies and relax our muscles. We need to find stillness to settle everything down, to breathe easier and to soften. It’s time to surrender, to find places to vanish into, to swan about in, and if that means spending more time in our bathtub dressed as a merperson, eating plant based ice cream listening to music, so be it. It seems we are all so over having to be strong that we’re more than ready to welcome in these stress banishing S words for 2023.

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10 Holiday Season Sanity Savers.

20 Dec
Credit. Splat the Cat – Rob Scotton.
  1. Make lists and check them twice.
  2. How you deal with tangled Christmas lights is usually a reflection of how you live your life. Aim for an attitude of “I can do this.” Stay curious, creative and calm.
  3. If this time of the year is lonely or grief filled which it is for so many, it really is ok to acknowledge and embrace the truth of this. I’m sorry for your loss. Have it be okay to skip gatherings altogether if you need to, or seek support, light a candle in their honour, or make a plan to sprinkle a special favourite of theirs throughout your day like something from nature, or a favourite movie or drink.
  4. If this time of the year is overloaded and overwhelming, choose your social commitments. If you sway between over responsible or obligated, you don’t have to do it all. Check your deeper needs and then just say yes or no. You don’t have to justify and defend or over explain your reasons.
  5. Be sure to have sparkling mineral water, lime and sodas and other favourite sober alternatives on hand for special occasion days.
  6. Get plenty of quality sleep to stay resourced and avoid reactive responses. Keep your breathing low and slow and your fuse long. 
  7. Avoid running yourself ragged. Top yourself up with tiny joys, time out and healthy treats. Throw in some belly laughs and nonsense for good measure, it’s the silly season after all.
  8. Never put yourself under financial pressure or go into debt to please others. Love is really enough in lean times. Remember too that the gift of your company, or handmade is planet saving and precious.
  9. Consider what might go down at family gatherings and be prepared. Think about all the possible ways you and they could be naughty or nice and do your best to remain calm and drama free. Remember the value of brief exits, breathing and excusing yourself for chores, games and outside time.
  10. If you have kids, or kids are present at celebrations, prioritize their emotions above your own as best as you can. They don’t want grown ups to be irritable, impatient or glued to devices. Put love and connection as front and centre as you can. Don’t make them hug or kiss anyone they don’t want to. If you’re at a gathering and someone’s neurodivergent child is wearing their noise cancelling headphones, don’t make a big deal out of it. They’re in self care mode. And if you’ve recently separated, or are going through difficult times, I send you strength. Buckle up for the ride, travel safely one and all and remember that speaking respectfully and kindly is a goal that also calms your nervous system.

Meri Kirihimete! (Merry Christmas!) I’m grateful for your presence in my life. With love, Leanne xx

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Going Damp? Mindfulness, Moderation & Mocktails.

8 Dec

Is the “damp” lifestyle trend on Tik Tok a fresh new thing in the world of drinking or is it just a rebrand of controlled drinking; a reliable, reputable method of moderation with far reaching benefits? 

Whatever it is, if you look beyond the delivery system you’ll see that TikToker @hana.elson has 2 million likes and 37,300 followers who are being influenced by her “it’s cool to be moderate” message. They’re a new, mostly youthful audience who are ready to hear “that drinking culture and your relationship with alcohol does not have to be black or white, all or nothing.” Hana says it’s an “action plan” to “drink with the mindset of the next day” which I think slots nicely into the current wellness movement.

Someone was bound to coin a new phrase. I’d thought of “moistly moderate” (cue the laughter) but that was never going to catch on was it!

It’s really about deciding to drink alcohol less often and less excessively.

It’s an option I use with clients who want to get more curious and explore the who, what, when, how and why behind their drinking to help inform and drive their decisions and behaviours. 

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Setting Boundaries Protects Our Energy.

24 Aug

I think healthy boundaries are about reciprocal respect. They include setting up and communicating reasonable, clear expectations of acceptable ways for other people to behave towards us that contribute to feeling safe, supported and valued.

Imagine crouching under one of those slightly dented, aluminium colanders with a lot of holes. That’s kind of what my boundaries looked like when I was a kid. 

When I first learnt about boundaries as a young therapist, I replaced that colander with a magnificent castle on a lush flower-filled island, surrounded by a moat, filled with snapping piranhas. I installed a drawbridge that only I could lift or lower because after all, the most important boundary a person can set, is limiting their availability. I also created a shield with light, bullet proof, glittery glass bricks, because the goal of boundaries is to be protected and stay connected at the same time.

My boundaries might seem like a fortress to some, but they serve to keep me clear, focused, more tolerant, and compassionately away from resentment. 

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Why Hope is Helpful in Hurtful Situations.

20 Jul
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today. Thich Nhat Hanh

I don’t think I’m alone in noticing that hostility and adversity are creeping into our collective culture more and more. 

When other humans dump either of those on our doorstep, it’s such an unwelcome package. Being the recipient of threatening, thoughtless, hurtful or selfish behaviour wrapped up with string is a good time to think about Marcus Aurelius, Philosopher and Roman Emperor (121—180 C.E.) and what he wrote in Meditations about the pitfalls of human behaviour; “When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly.”

To be fair, in the practice of positive psychology, where both the good and bad parts of life are equally genuine, it’s also good to remind ourselves that although people can be horrible and the news media hardly ever reports on goodness and social media might not leave us feeling content, in our real life there’s usually an abundance of good deeds, good behaviour and lovely people who display and offer honesty, justice, loyalty, decency, trustworthiness, kindness, charity, reliability, appropriateness and warmth. Let’s all take a moment to be grateful for them.

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Wellbeing is Trending for 2022

30 Dec

“Wellness is the complete integration of body, mind and spirit.  The realisation that everything we do, think, feel and believe has an effect on our wellbeing”  Greg Anderson.

Covid-19 wins the prize for being the most uncontrollable source of sustained stress in 2021. Just as double vaxxes offered up glimpses of hope for relaxed freedoms, a new variant slid in just in time for NZ’s summer holiday season.

At least there’s always a positive spin off from a global crisis. It’s motivated a desire to increase overall wellbeing in 2022, for ourselves, each other and the planet.

Research tells us that a prolonged pandemic elevates mental health needs, even if we don’t catch the virus. As a team of 5 million, we’ve done pretty well at following health directives, attempting to reduce emotional strain and focusing on what we can control, over what we can’t. 

How we live, work, use technology, shop, connect and socialise and how we receive care have all been jiggled around and thought about deeply, unless one has been living under a rock or tin foil hat. 

Even though some of us prefer a less overloaded society, not being able to see special people is hard, and sludging through restrictions, super strong opinions, dangerous viewpoints and crazy behaviours can get tiresome. Resilient people are better able to cope with trying circumstances, so increasing wellbeing expands happiness, optimism and meaning in life.

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Reaching For Booze & Food in Lockdown?

1 Sep
Photo by Pavel Danilyuk from Pexels

Usually we know deep within ourselves if what we are reaching for is either good for us or less good! 

Do the usual rules and routines feel a bit like they’ve flown out the window in lockdown? And, who is around to hold us accountable? Just because we might be able to wear pyjamas or elastic waist pants, probably doesn’t mean we shouldn’t consider how many calories, and how much fat and sugar might be hiding in tempting treats.

Social media is normalising baking up a storm. Our feeds are full of it. There’s quarantini parties and invitations to join happy hour online. We might have to ask if we want to join the pack, or lead it? Just because everyone is doing it, doesn’t mean we have to. Social media is normalising baking up a storm. Our feeds are full of it. There’s quarantini parties and invitations to join happy hour online. We might have to ask if we want to join the pack, or lead it? Just because everyone is doing it, doesn’t mean we have to. Maybe it’s a better idea to limit or be more conscious of what we’re consuming and be kinder to our immune systems at a time they really need support?

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World Smokefree Day. Let’s Stop Kids From Starting.

31 May

World Smokefree Day, that falls every year on May 31 is a chance to celebrate and work towards Smokefree/auahi kore lives for New Zealanders.

It happens to coincide with the release of a Government proposal in which the Ministry of Health have proposed a ‘grandfather’ policy, to progressively prohibit the sale of smoked tobacco products to a new age group each year. It would gradually increase the age of purchase restrictions by one year every year, so eventually it would be illegal to purchase if you’re under 25. Hooray.

The same proposal wants to limit the level of nicotine in cigarettes and put more investment into smoking cessation services. This is great for our future generation. Ask most smokers when they started, and they’ll say, ‘When I was a kid.’ And none of those kids realised they could get addicted to nicotine within days of first using it. Why? Because when they smoke, the nicotine goes to their brain. In 10 seconds. Straight to the part that controls feelings of pleasure and releases dopamine, a chemical that tricks them into thinking a cigarette equals pleasure. Then within a few minutes, the pleasure is gone, and the craving for a cigarette begins a new cycle.

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13 Simple Ways to Relieve Overwhelm.

12 May
Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying, What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass. Timber Hawkeye.

Overwhelm can arrive when something triggers a powerful emotion in us; especially fear, which can then flood our mind with paralysing negative thoughts and emotions, and change our posture, breath and ability to cope.

It’s really important to be curious about our thought patterns, and to claw back some control because once negative thoughts overly take hold in our mind, they’re likely to distort the severity of our situation and have us focusing on dramatic consequences.

Emotional overwhelm occurs when the intensity of our feelings outmatches our ability to manage them. It can come from a single big stressor, like a pandemic. Or financial issues. Trying to make ends meet is probably number one in the list for tipping many people over the edge. Others find that overwhelm sweeps in like a tidal wave, brought on from a bunch of challenges like life transitions and losses that come at us one after the other.

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Surviving Love in Lockdown. 10 Top Relationship Tips.

8 May

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What if you’ve discovered you’re not one of those resilient couples, sheltering in place,  strengthening bonds, feeling loved up and loving it? What if your version has been six hideous weeks of groundhog day in inescapable confinement, filled with endless stress, brick wall arguments, unworkable arrangements and mind-numbing chores? If you’re desperate to burst your bubble and run for the hills, don’t add to the pessimistic divorce and break-up statistics, these are extraordinary circumstances.

Uncertainty spews forth a range of challenges, from financial pressures to burdens like working from home while also caring full time for children. Take away all the welcome distractions that used to exist in life before Covid, and you’ve got a source of tension even in the strongest of relationships.

For relationships cracking at the seams, although it may feel hopeless, it doesn’t have to be. Why not reframe it? Think of it as a fast track opportunity for growth because adversity Continue reading →

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