Reaching For Booze & Food in Lockdown?

1 Sep
Photo by Pavel Danilyuk from Pexels

Usually we know deep within ourselves if what we are reaching for is either good for us or less good! 

Do the usual rules and routines feel a bit like they’ve flown out the window in lockdown? Who is around to hold us accountable? Just because we might be able to wear pyjamas or elastic waist pants, probably doesn’t mean we shouldn’t consider how many calories, fat and sugar might be hiding in those tempting treats.

Social media is normalising baking up a storm. Our feeds are full of it. There’s quarantini parties and invitations to join happy hour online. We might have to ask if we want to join the pack, or lead it? Just because everyone is doing it, doesn’t mean we have to. Social media is normalising baking up a storm. Our feeds are full of it. There’s quarantini parties and invitations to join happy hour online. We might have to ask if we want to join the pack, or lead it? Just because everyone is doing it, doesn’t mean we have to. Maybe it’s a better idea to limit or be more conscious of what we’re consuming and be kinder to our immune systems at a time they really need support?

Whether we’re in lockdown or not, it’s always a good idea to be more aware of what we reach for to cope, self soothe, relax and relieve stress.

  • It pays to be less impulsive.
  • To have supplies on hand that support healthier choices.
  • It’s very much about swapping out the harmful choices. Like choosing to vape as a pathway to quitting cigarettes. Like trying an alcohol free product.
  • It’s about sticking to the types of limits and routines that are closer to what we usually did pre-lockdown.

Of course not everyone has a problem. A treat here and there is joy inducing. But if you’re putting Baileys on your porridge in the morning you might want to reconsider your choices! Same if you’re baking and eating a whole cake a day. If your smoking is out of hand take a look at our new free quit initiative QuitNow.NZ. If you’re treating everyday like a treat filled weekend day, or if you’re in recovery leaning closer into relapsing, you’ll definitely want to search a bit deeper and find out what lies beneath your choices.

In that case you could ask, Why am I doing it?

What am I hoping to gain from doing it?

Universally, the answers are to seek relief and to feel better. Luckily there’s a ton of other ways to self soothe, relax and reduce stress.

If you’re not sure your intake is ok, reach out to an expert to check whether what you’re doing might have negative consequences on your emotional wellbeing, your health, finances and whether it impacts others. 

All addictive substances neurologically hijack our brains pleasure and reward centre. They’re all short lasting and then need repeating. That’s how dependence can occur. 

Instead of reaching for something we kind of know we shouldn’t, we could ask ourselves, What do I really need right now. And then do that instead.

Whether we’re over indulging or not, these are pretty stressful times which put our nervous systems on high alert, so it never hurts to explore and name feelings, and then think about what else we could do with those feelings rather than stuff them, or ignore them.

We can all benefit from learning to release pressure in positive ways. Mindfulness. Meditation. Moving our bodies. Getting outdoors, even if it’s only our backyard. We can all benefit from learning to release pressure in positive ways. Mindfulness. Meditation. Moving our bodies. Getting outdoors. It all helps.

  • We need to remember to connect in with uplifting people, posts and things.
  • To give our full attention to tasks.
  • To make sure those tasks feel fulfilling and feed our souls.
  • To have rituals that restore us.
  • To do more deep breathing.
  • To laugh more.
  • To feel gratitude.
  • And to sleep well, because it’s so crucial in helping us cope better emotionally.

What’s really key in making healthy choices, is to work out other alternative sources, that still feel satisfying and soothing. 

Let’s remember we aren’t aiming to come out of lockdown as a Masterchef or an addict so it’s ok to take it a little easy. Sending love and strength to all who may need it. I’d love to hear how you relax, reduce stress and soothe yourself.

World Smokefree Day. Let’s Stop Kids From Starting.

31 May

World Smokefree Day, that falls every year on May 31 is a chance to celebrate and work towards Smokefree/auahi kore lives for New Zealanders.

It happens to coincide with the release of a Government proposal in which the Ministry of Health have proposed a ‘grandfather’ policy, to progressively prohibit the sale of smoked tobacco products to a new age group each year. It would gradually increase the age of purchase restrictions by one year every year, so eventually it would be illegal to purchase if you’re under 25. Hooray.

The same proposal wants to limit the level of nicotine in cigarettes and put more investment into smoking cessation services. This is great for our future generation. Ask most smokers when they started, and they’ll say, ‘When I was a kid.’ And none of those kids realised they could get addicted to nicotine within days of first using it. Why? Because when they smoke, the nicotine goes to their brain. In 10 seconds. Straight to the part that controls feelings of pleasure and releases dopamine, a chemical that tricks them into thinking a cigarette equals pleasure. Then within a few minutes, the pleasure is gone, and the craving for a cigarette begins a new cycle.

There is no better time than now to really wake up to the fact that smoking around kids influences them to smoke, and is harmful for their health. Kids don’t always have the choice or ability to be able to get away from the toxic poisons of second and third hand smoke. You do. You can quit. You can do it. With a plan and behavioural support, it’s easier. If you’re over ok and smoke could it be good to consider vaping? Vaping isn’t smoking. It’s a MOH recommended, humane and harm reduction pathway to help you quit cigarettes. It delivers a controlled dose of nicotine with 95% less toxins than burning tobacco. You get to stay social, spend less, smell better, and satisfy both the cravings and the hand to mouth habit. Don’t vape if you don’t already smoke.

Here’s the thing. Kids learn from what they see, more than from what you say. Kids who have friends and whanau that smoke are more likely to become smokers. That’s one of the reasons why the new proposal wants to restrict the sale of tobacco products. To get them out of the 5000 to 8000 places kids can see them, to 5% of that. To get them into R18 specialist stores. I’m all for it. Let’s get cigarettes out of sight, out of mind and out of reach.

Stopping kids from starting to smoke is the best form of protection. I would like to see proposed ad and social media campaigns include a harder hitting style of delivery about the harmful health realities of smoking, the risks, the dangers, the costs, to shock and influence kids to be non consumers. I loved that stuff when I was kid. It made me want to quote the facts and figures and write speeches and debate about it.

How many kids really know that there are 4000 chemicals in cigarette smoke, and that 60 of those can cause cancer? Or that every cigarette smoked harms nearly every organ and system in our body? Or that in NZ about 13 unlucky people die every day from smoking related diseases? Or that cigarettes contain arsenic which is used for rat poison? Perhaps funding for documentaries and competitions that creatively involve our youth would help us raise Smokefree eco and wellbeing warriors?

(Photo credit. Laura Garcia.)

13 Simple Ways to Relieve Overwhelm.

12 May
Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

“You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass.”

Timber Hawkeye

Overwhelm can arrive when something triggers a powerful emotion in us; especially fear, which can then flood our mind with paralysing negative thoughts and emotions, and change our posture, breath and ability to cope.

It’s really important to be curious about our thought patterns, and to claw back some control because once negative thoughts overly take hold in our mind, they’re likely to distort the severity of our situation and have us focusing on dramatic consequences.

Emotional overwhelm occurs when the intensity of our feelings outmatches our ability to manage them. It can come from a single big stressor, like a pandemic. Or financial issues. Trying to make ends meet is probably number one in the list for tipping many people over the edge. Others find that overwhelm sweeps in like a tidal wave, brought on from a bunch of challenges like life transitions and losses that come at us one after the other.

Continue reading

Surviving Love in Lockdown. 10 Top Relationship Tips.

8 May

Day_100.jpg

What if you’ve discovered you’re not one of those resilient couples, sheltering in place,  strengthening bonds, feeling loved up and loving it? What if your version has been six hideous weeks of groundhog day in inescapable confinement, filled with endless stress, brick wall arguments, unworkable arrangements and mind-numbing chores? If you’re desperate to burst your bubble and run for the hills, don’t add to the pessimistic divorce and break-up statistics, these are extraordinary circumstances.

Uncertainty spews forth a range of challenges, from financial pressures to burdens like working from home while also caring full time for children. Take away all the welcome distractions that used to exist in life before Covid, and you’ve got a source of tension even in the strongest of relationships.

For relationships cracking at the seams, although it may feel hopeless, it doesn’t have to be. Why not reframe it? Think of it as a fast track opportunity for growth because adversity

  • intensifies attitudes and inequalities
  • highlights patterns that exist and persist
  • shows us how we each contribute to conflict
  • and magnifies exactly what needs to change.

As a relationship expert with 30 years experience, I know that with help, most relationships just need a bit of tweaking and adjusting to change the dynamics. Two people don’t have to show up to therapy to fix it. Big differences can be achieved with just one willing guidance seeker. There’s definite hope. (Unless your partner is big into addiction and isn’t willing to change, or if they are psychological or physical abusers. If that’s the case, you need a safe exit strategy.)

Here are my 10 top relationship tips to help you, help yourselves.

  1. One thing you really want to avoid is criticism. Don’t highlight faults or overly focus on what isn’t working. Justifying, defending and point scoring is destructive. Be constructive.
  2. Always look for what is working, what’s good, what’s going right and genuinely praise, affirm and compliment.
  3. We each have a responsibility to manage our moods and express our needs, wants and vulnerabilities in respect-filled ways. Keep respect at the forefront. Respect feelings, and make sure you happily allow each other alone time. Solitude is vital.
  4. If what you’re saying or doing isn’t working, stop and do it differently. Before responding, count to five, breathe and consider future consequences by asking yourself “If I say this in this way, what is the likely response?”
  5. It’s way better to ask gently, than to tell, teach or preach.
  6. It’s always about what you say, how you say it, and the intention behind it. Make sure communication cultivates love and unity.
  7. Shrug off small annoyances. Unearth uncomfortable feelings that get activated in you, rather than focusing on what someone does to irritate or annoy you.
  8. Observe and become comfortable with each other’s styles, and find a way to work with, not against them.
  9. Curiosity and compassion helps you go easy on yourself and others.
  10. Be kind. Be grateful. Use humour and look for the goodness that lies within. Love simply because they deserve to be loved.

P.S These weird times will pass x

It doesn’t matter where you live, you don’t have to have a therapy session in person. Phone sessions aren’t new to me. I’ve been conducting them for a couple of decades with clients both in NZ and overseas. My point of difference is that I can also work weekends. If you need me, email leanne@wolfies.co.nz to set up an appointment.

thanks to cottonbro for the image and for Wolfie making the graphics x

Tend and Cherish.

27 Apr

Day_033d.jpg

As the sorrow of sickness and silence spread, the stop sign rose and asked us to sit, together but apart, to be guests of nature and lend our ears to the birdsong, chirping crickets and intuition, instead of the usual roar of engines and economic hum.

We were asked to sit until remorse replaced restlessness so we could thrust aside mountainous obsessions of waste, and refuse to be swallowed up by inexhaustible convenience, coveted commodities and take aways that take away deeper nourishment, and to wait for the rise of bread, instead.

Sit they said, with blinders off as industry cools and hearts and homes are warmed. Wait until expectation is traded for appreciation so it becomes easier to undertake a scaled back, survival stock take, where love and local livelihood is supported and we embrace the significant and sustainable.

Sit and replace swelling fears of toils and troubles with soap and bubbles. Then with lion heart courage, forge forward, with fragility, onto the path of goodwill, into a morally determined destiny and consciously cultivate kindness for all of us endangered ones, here upon our enchanted earth. 

Poem Tend & Cherish by Leanne French as I contemplate the last day of Level 4 Lockdown in New Zealand and somewhat lament the loss of the quietest earth day experienced in my lifetime.

Thanks so much to my beloved husband Wolfie for the fabulous daily graphics he’s made for me.

Let’s All Be Better Humans.

26 Apr

Day_032.jpg

Beyond thinking about how to stop microbe movement and economic downfalls, will we also think more about respect and empathy? Can we create a new vision of a better world, for ourselves, our community, our environment and for our beautiful earth? My hope is that we will mindfully pay more attention to the wee glimpses we have of a future where we know what we want and need, and then work towards making many tiny incremental changes so all creatures can flourish. Let’s make our future ancestors proud.

 

 

 

 

There Is Always So Much To Be Thankful For.

25 Apr

Day_031.jpg

Ko wareware tātou – Lest we forget.

E kore rātou e kaumātuatia 

Pēnei i a tātou kua mahue nei

E kore hoki rātou e ngoikore

Ahakoa pehea i ngā āhuatanga o te wā

I te hekenga atu o te rā

Tae noa ki te aranga mai i te ata

Ka maumahara tonu tātou ki a rātou

 

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.

At the going down of the sun, and in the morning,

We will remember them.

 

To everyone that gathered in their bubbles at the end of their driveways at dawn, to remember, reflect and honour past and present servicemen and women, this too shall not be forgotten. Continue reading

Reaching Out for Help is Brave.

24 Apr

Day_030e.jpg

Our job on earth isn’t to criticize, reject, or judge. Our purpose is to offer a helping hand, compassion, and mercy. We are to do unto others as we hope they would do unto us. -Dana Arcuri

With help, comes hope.

No one should wait until they’re in a dire state before seeking help. We need to bravely reach out, before things turn to custard. There are people, communities and agencies who are available to help all of us in many ways. Sometimes it’s about being directed to the right person or place, so you get the safe and compassionate response and assistance you deserve. And, with technology it doesn’t have to be public, it can remain private. Whether you are unsure about something, or not managing, it’s not impolite, a burden, or a sign of weakness. Helping another person actually makes others feel good.

Is there something you need help with from my field of expertise?

Don’t Blurt What Might Hurt.

23 Apr

Day_029

In these socially distant times, spending more time online is one way to help satisfy our basic human longing for social inclusion. After nearly a month, people are saying they’re beginning to feel emotionally drained, restless and disappointed in the way some people are treating others.  Others find themselves bombarded by overly strong opinions, forceful comments, put downs or really rude, sharp answers to reasonable questions, comments or status updates. When the comments stay public, they invite more negativity.

Unfortunately, because people bring to social media the ways they behave in Continue reading

Same Storm. Different Boat.

22 Apr

Day_028c.jpg

While Mahatma Gandhi once said Dignity of human nature requires that we must face the storms of life, this present storm, the way we face it and the impact it will have on each and every one of us, will be incredibly diverse. 

In the midst of disruption, there are commonalities. Heightened reactions, moments of confusion and clarity, and concern for safety and security. Human nature dictates we do what we can to save ourselves and then look around to offer a (socially distanced) helping hand. 

We react in a thousand different ways because how we think, feel, act, need, want, hate, love and believe, stem from a huge variety of factors from our past experience, our resilience, the extent of support we have available, the size of our bank account, to where we’re positioned physically, socially, economically and emotionally.

While some may have anchored calmly, and others adjusted their sails towards rainbows and pots of gold, we cannot underestimate the emotional gale and financial swirl that this storm has brought upon many. Continue reading