Tag Archives: Toxic relationships

Setting Boundaries Protects Our Energy.

24 Aug

I think healthy boundaries are about reciprocal respect. They include setting up and communicating reasonable, clear expectations of acceptable ways for other people to behave towards us that contribute to feeling safe, supported and valued.

Imagine crouching under one of those slightly dented, aluminium colanders with a lot of holes. That’s kind of what my boundaries looked like when I was a kid. 

When I first learnt about boundaries as a young therapist, I replaced that colander with a magnificent castle on a lush flower-filled island, surrounded by a moat, filled with snapping piranhas. I installed a drawbridge that only I could lift or lower because after all, the most important boundary a person can set, is limiting their availability. I also created a shield with light, bullet proof, glittery glass bricks, because the goal of boundaries is to be protected and stay connected at the same time.

My boundaries might seem like a fortress to some, but they serve to keep me clear, focused, more tolerant, and compassionately away from resentment. 

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In The Jungle, The Mighty Jungle.

19 Oct

There is a common trap that difficult people set for us in the jungle, a trap that we need to slow down enough to recognize, and be courageous enough to deal with in a new way, or it will have us falling right into a hole too deep to dig ourselves out of.

Trap setters don’t do vulnerability. Instead, they do blame and whirling storms of shame. Their behaviours invite avoidance and reactivity and eventual hostility.

Trap setters hide behind overly intense demanding comments such as: Continue reading