It’s no wonder that Alcoholics Anonymous emphasize taking things one day at a time, because it helps make difficult changes more manageable.
Feeds are full of how to fill our time, even though some people might be run of their feet busier than usual, but what if you’re still in shock? Or, like me, feeling overwhelmed by the seriousness, not of the illness or isolation as such, but about our future after all of this, which today suddenly felt completely uncertain and a little bleak.
So here’s the thing. Uncertainty involving all-encompassing questions about the meaning and purpose of life and one’s place in the world in the future has an actual name. It’s known as Continue reading →
The government have asked for our support to protect New Zealand and eradicate COVID-19. An important restriction has been put in place, stay home, save lives and no surprises, two days in and the usual suspects have gone a little wild, flaunting the rules and looking for loopholes.
We often hope that others will think, behave, react and respond the way we do, but it doesn’t always work that way. Some of the rules are bound to get a little tighter when people who don’t like to be told what to do, go about their business, their way. They are just being who they are, but when the consequences affect the collective, it Continue reading →
Our NZ government declared a State of Emergency, and our current COVID-19 Alert Level is Level 4 also known as lockdown which is in place for four weeks or more. In summary, this means
Everyone must now stay home, except those providing essential services.
Only make physical contact with those that you live with.
It’s a normal, universal feeling to feel fear when faced with the unknown. As our news feeds fill with all kinds of stories, real, fake and funny, the reality is that 738 people died in one day in Spain yesterday, and 683 in Italy. It is vital that we all do our best to stick to the rules put in place to save lives and flatten the curve. The more careful we are, the sooner this thing will be over.
As a therapist, relationship expert and goodness influencer with 30 years of experience I’m here to help ease the possible psychological effects of these times. One of the first things to know is Continue reading →
Eco-grief is the grief felt in response to experienced or anticipated ecological loss. Eco-anxiety is a chronic fear of environmental doom. Creeping environmental changes are now cascading ahead at a catastrophic pace and have been rightly upgraded to a climate emergency.
When our senses are inundated with a torrent of news, filled with the horror and sadness of global disasters, sensitive people begin to wobble and topple.
Scientists are telling us “like it is.” We need to listen. Dire warnings, horrific natural disasters, death, displaced people, species extinction, rising seas, soaring temperatures, extreme drought, diminished air quality, degradation of waterways and raging bushfires destroying trees, homes, animals, people and even those saving the Continue reading →
Many Christmas’s in my life and yours too I imagine, have been so amazing, filled with love and tinsel, a sparkly stream of fabulous family, amazing food, children’s squeals, handmade goodies, laden Christmas trees, thoughtful presents, shared stories, goofy games and loud laughter.
Some are sensational and some are far from it. Some are just stink.
There are many reasons why some homes, some years, overflow with seasonal joy, and others not so much. Life can occasionally just fall apart at the seams. Illness, loss, geographical distance, natural disasters, conflicted family, depression, dementia, stress, divorce, addiction, lack of finances, not having a home, you name it, some
How about introducing a new self reflective ritual into your family? As the year winds down it’s the perfect time to choose an evening or afternoon to gather together and consider things like: How was the past year? What worked and what did not work so well? What do I want to create in the year to come?
Judge away. Everyone judges, it’s an automatic process. A part of our brain called the amygdala works out trustworthiness in a flash, giving us a gut feeling which then mixes in with a jumble of thoughts and flashes of life experience, and just like that, the foundation for our unique, perceptual lens of reality, informs our decisions.
So if we think about our judgements as super-personalised opinions rather than facts or universal truths, a little discernment may be needed before they fully inform our decision making. It’s helpful to bring our unconscious into mindful conscious focus. We could invite the observer self in and be curious about what we say, how we say it and why we say it. For instance, if we’re in the habit of expressing overly strong opinions/judgements that leave little room for others to have or share their own experience, it could be time to learn to choose more neutral descriptions. Or we might need to express things in a way that puts more personal ownership onto our observations. It might require us to decide which judgements are worthy of acting on and which are better to trash or transform? Consider if sharing them is kind? Necessary? Or could we instead emotionally investigate Continue reading →
I’m sure I’m not alone in observing negative behavioural changes in society, online and in the media. What appears to be happening is that it’s getting more divided and extreme, and that voicing outrage and unleashing opinions, bitter criticism and malice towards others is becoming a new normal. What I would like to question is, are we unconsciously being encouraged or forced to accept bullying as normal rather than challenging systems that allow it?
Nearly every episode of the Block NZ 2019 was uncomfortable to watch, because of bullying, and at times triggered people with trauma, so I still feel compelled to write about it. Writing about it at the time would have been like fighting a crocodile in a swamp and I didn’t fancy myself being swallowed whole by those who thought the targets deserved it. The bullying was overt and mostly unchallenged, and we the viewers, whether we liked it or not, were put in a “bystander” position, powerless to stop it; which further perpetuates the acceptability of bullying and inevitably, yet again, it becomes even more embedded in our culture as the norm.
It’s reality tv you might say. Why even watch it? Because Continue reading →
Forget the dread of “having” to go back to work, and instead say to yourself that you “get” to. Turn dread into gratefulness. Feeling gratitude for the time off you were able to have, increases feelings of happiness.
Reframe the first day back into it being just another day, and think about how good it’s going to be for your brain to sink its teeth into future challenges.
Be sure to get plenty of sleep, not only the night before you start back, but all week. Being refreshed is important to help you cope with an added workload. Remember to avoid bright lights and technology for at least half an hour before you hit the pillow, and make sure your room is dark.
Pack a healthy, delicious lunch, one that gives you enjoyment. Think about changing out your water for sparkling water at least for the first week. If you eat lunch out, feel grateful that you have the finances to do so. Savour each mouthful and make sure what you read or the conversations you have over lunch are joy filled.Continue reading →
Gossip exposes someone who isn’t present to defend themselves, to the collective wrath of others. It denies them a right to be fairly heard. It’s a cunning, passive aggressive form of ally recruitment, warlike in nature, used to advance one’s own opinions and agenda. Spreading rumours can be harmful to the reputation, credibility and social standing of others. Gossip encourages recruiters to dislike, be wary, mistrust, avoid, exclude and see the target as unappealing. It’s a form of social bullying.
Incite hatred long enough in any community, and it will eventually fall into the ears of those from the dark side of humanity, those who take pleasure in taking matters into their own hands, provoking and harassing. Once indifference has been fostered, destroying others becomes sport-like. Be wary because encouraging others to act on your behalf is dangerous and in some cases illegal, for both of you.
Fight or flight becomes the norm for the target in a misinformation campaign. Sometimes targets can’t cope and may hurt or harm themselves or they may take serious revenge as an escape from the constant pressure. Both can have devastating consequences. (Please see additional links below if you need help for either.)
If you are in the presence of someone spreading gossip about another person, here a few things you could say to disarm them:
Leanne French Relationship Expert & Counsellor 