5 Things People Do Wrong In Relationships.

16 Aug
Resolving Conflict

Illustrated by Clementine Sourdais.

1. We focus on what’s wrong rather than acknowledging and growing what’s right.

Ruminating on annoyances never makes them magically disappear. Instead we need to consciously manage our own reactions, responses and behaviours by curiously wondering what gets triggered within us when we feel wronged or annoyed. Or we could choose to just step away and skip merrily on our way, sidestepping obstacles. The more we involve ourselves in tasks that propel us forward and make us feel good, the better. See if you can stop, breathe, count to five and remind yourself of the value your loved ones add to your life.

2. We criticise rather than praise behaviours or affirm competence.

Think about how it feels when you have your less than fabulous traits pointed out to you in a way that doesn’t invite healthy discussion, kindness or creative solutions. People are so much more ready to give negative feedback than positive, and are likely to tell all who will listen about bad service rather than yell thanks from the rooftops about great service. Let’s all aim to spread more kindness around. Acknowledge. Affirm. Praise. Give Continue reading →

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

7 Ways To Begin To Renovate Your Life.

14 Mar
circling-horses-prints

Circling Horses by Cassia Beck

If life feels stale around the edges, a lot of stuff is going wrong, others are being critical and competitive, friendships seem to be falling to the curb like flies, and normal activities begin to feel like swimming through thick fog, it could to time to change things up.

Often people will grin and bear it, grit their teeth, grind their teeth at night, and push on regardless, which is fine for a short time, just not a long time as it can compound the difficulties. Sometimes what we resist persists. When negativity outweighs positivity and it’s closing in on you from the outside and you have taken personal responsibility, searched deep within and tried many things that just aren’t working, or no one is listening or supporting you, or worse still blaming you, close the door and open another. Sometimes it’s actually not your fault. Sometimes you wake up and realise that you aren’t surrounded by your tribe. Or you realise that your shine and sparkle is being dulled in order to make someone else feel more adequate. Step away from determination and move closer to joy. Continue reading →

Tags: , ,

Reasons Why, For Dry July.

4 Jul

Reposting from http://www.womansday.co.nz/health-diet/health/2015/6/the-benefits-of-taking-a-break-from-alcohol/

ImageResizer

Here’s how Dry July could benefit your own health as well as those you’re fundraising for

Dry July encourages participants to go alcohol-free for a month to raise funds for adults living with cancer, but the benefits of doing the challenge don’t stop there.

Leanne French, a relationship therapist and addictions counsellor, says taking a break from the booze could have a positive impact on your health and mental wellbeing.

“Drinking even small amounts of alcohol often can make you feel tired and depressed,” says Ms French, who has been a counsellor for over 25 years.

“One of the biggest benefits from taking a break is that people feel healthier and better in the morning, and have more energy, which naturally leads on to doing other healthy things, like eating better food and exercising.”

There’s also the ‘feel-good factor’ associated with setting yourself a goal and achieving it, and that can help improve your self-esteem. Not only that, going alcohol-free for a month could give you the opportunity to improve your relationships with the loved ones in your life.

“Drinking and recovering from drinking can be selfish. It can shut other people out and make you less physically and emotionally available to your partner,” Ms French says.

“Taking a break means you can assess whether this is happening, and may change your attitude to alcohol if it’s something that is having an impact on your relationship with a loved one.”

For more information on Dry July, visit their website.

Image: Getty

Other media releases http://www.nzwomansweekly.co.nz/health-home/health/reaping-the-benefits-of-dry-july/

Tags: , , , , , ,

Friday 13th. Lucky Or Unlucky?

13 Mar

Friday13th Hundreds of thousands of people apparently don’t even get out of bed if a Friday falls on the 13th of the month, lest a black cat cross their path or misfortune reigns upon them. What creates such fear and superstition?

For those who believe it’s unlucky, I usually invite them to consider whether the fear of a black cat crossing their path may have in fact stemmed from olden times when a bunch of woman herbalists and healers (probably in black, who may or may not have been wearing matching pointy hats) met, usually on a Friday, to do things like have fun, pass on their knowledge and Continue reading →

Tags: ,

5 Things You Should Never Do On Valentine’s Day.

14 Feb

Special_squeeze

1. Be a sour cynic.

But it’s so commercial, so American, so expensive, so stressful, so lame, so overdone you might say? People, it’s just for one day. Grinches don’t like Christmas, Cinderella might not like Mother’s Day but you know what? At the stroke of midnight whatever day it is, it’s over with a poof of magic dust and then it’s another calendar day.

2. Think it’s only a day for loved-up couples.

Love is universal. Love is for singles, pets, children, the environment and couples. If you are looking for love and you feel it overly highlights your singledom, then read unique love stories to renew your hope, then go out and kick up your heels and be open to sinful desserts and guilty pleasures.

If you are single and happy, Valentine’s Day is an awesome excuse to treat and spoil yourself.

  • Book yourself in for a massage.
  • Eat your favourite food.
  • Unwrap your best, high cacao content chocolate.
  • Order a book you’ve had on your wish list for ages. (It’s easy online at Book Depository.)
  • Catch a movie.
  • Or implement a random act of kindness like giving muesli bars to a homeless person.

Continue reading →

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Why Fairytales Are Good For Grown Ups.

7 Nov

“To be attracted to or repelled by a fairy tale indicates that the story contains something that resonates with an unconscious process in the reader or listener, for one cannot be attracted or repelled unless one recognizes something that is personally meaningful.” -Meredith B Mitchell.

Fairytales parallel common human conditions. They resonate deep within us in emotionally creative ways and invite us into illogical, impractical, unrealistic, wonderful and terrifying worlds where good opposes evil, magic exists, and animals transform into people.

Because a fairytale is a story with a simple plot, stereotypical characters, universal themes, with elements of ideas and imagery from a vast array of human experiences that we can identify with, they are a perfect and safe playground for us to explore our own thoughts, feelings and behaviours.

Fairytales tell us all about all kinds of relationships. Just look at Continue reading →

Tags: , , , , ,

10 Fun Things To Do On A Blood Moon.

8 Oct

 

Blood Moon-002

Why not take some time this evening to ponder this question: How does what I am doing right now, serve the agenda of my soul?

Tags:

Who Is The Fairest Of Them All?

19 Sep

 

Snow White. (Thanks Gabrielle Laubscher for the photo of your princess.)

Snow White. (Thanks Gabrielle Laubscher  for the photo of your princess.)

 

You are of course!

I forced myself to watch an episode of “botched up bodies” to remind myself  just how rotten the consequences can be when people become repulsed with what they deem to be unacceptable about themselves.

For some, there is still such intense pressure to conform to an ideal standard of beauty. It’s everywhere. Even in the fruit aisle at the supermarket. If it’s too organic looking with a lump or a bump or a spot, out it goes. Most times it doesn’t even get to go on display even though it’s bursting with deliciousness.

It seems so villanous to banish anyone worth loving because they might have flabby arms, a jelly belly, a bald head, or a flailing bank balance.

I hope that we can all learn to be more gentle, more accommodating, and place less emphasis on beauty and begin to celebrate other important things that reside within, like talent, smartness and wisdom.

What do you think? Does there seem to be an increased demand or pressure for people and things to be more perfect and how do you feel about it?

Tags: , ,

Jack And The Beanstalk.

5 Sep

Jack and the Beanstalk

I adore finding “magic beans” in my garden. Every season a few magically evade picking and eating, so I save them to be displayed and squealed over and sometimes wonder what would happen if I went to a local Farmers Market and tried swapping them for a (pet) cow!

I have grown enough beautiful beanstalks to know that they require staking if they are to reach their full potential, just as I know that all relationships require support if they are expected to grow.

It’s not enough to just expect our union to blossom into something fruitful if we don’t take care of it. The giant who came a cropper in the tale of Jack and the Beanstalk really could have Continue reading →

Tags: , , , , , ,

Getting Out Of Groundhog Day.

18 Jul

fairytale ones you love

Exhaustion sucks. It can rob us of our ability to smile, to have fun, to negotiate nicely, or it can invite us into overly sensitive states, the kind where “what about me”  blaming, finger-pointing and managing our moods and responses becomes so much more difficult.

It takes courage to ask for help when things feel a little out of control, or when you’re stuck in a rut and life seems a bit hum drum or boring. It’s hard to say you’re Continue reading →

Tags: , ,

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →