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5 Things You Should Never Do On Valentine’s Day.

14 Feb

Special_squeeze

1. Be a sour cynic.

But it’s so commercial, so American, so expensive, so stressful, so lame, so overdone you might say? People, it’s just for one day. Grinches don’t like Christmas, Cinderella might not like Mother’s Day but you know what? At the stroke of midnight whatever day it is, it’s over with a poof of magic dust and then it’s another calendar day.

2. Think it’s only a day for loved-up couples.

Love is universal. Love is for singles, pets, children, the environment and couples. If you are looking for love and you feel it overly highlights your singledom, then read unique love stories to renew your hope, then go out and kick up your heels and be open to sinful desserts and guilty pleasures.

If you are single and happy, Valentine’s Day is an awesome excuse to treat and spoil yourself.

  • Book yourself in for a massage.
  • Eat your favourite food.
  • Unwrap your best, high cacao content chocolate.
  • Order a book you’ve had on your wish list for ages. (It’s easy online at Book Depository.)
  • Catch a movie.
  • Or implement a random act of kindness like giving muesli bars to a homeless person.

Continue reading →

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Jack And The Beanstalk.

5 Sep

Jack and the Beanstalk

I adore finding “magic beans” in my garden. Every season a few magically evade picking and eating, so I save them to be displayed and squealed over and sometimes wonder what would happen if I went to a local Farmers Market and tried swapping them for a (pet) cow!

I have grown enough beautiful beanstalks to know that they require staking if they are to reach their full potential, just as I know that all relationships require support if they are expected to grow.

It’s not enough to just expect our union to blossom into something fruitful if we don’t take care of it. The giant who came a cropper in the tale of Jack and the Beanstalk really could have Continue reading →

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Getting Out Of Groundhog Day.

18 Jul

fairytale ones you love

Exhaustion sucks. It can rob us of our ability to smile, to have fun, to negotiate nicely, or it can invite us into overly sensitive states, the kind where “what about me”  blaming, finger-pointing and managing our moods and responses becomes so much more difficult.

It takes courage to ask for help when things feel a little out of control, or when you’re stuck in a rut and life seems a bit hum drum or boring. It’s hard to say you’re Continue reading →

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20 Ways To Fix A Grimm Relationship.

18 Jun
From Animal Man a DC Comic

From Animal Man – a DC Comic

The simple rules of how to happily co-exist in a relationship apply whether you’ve been together for one year or thirty years. I can usually work out within five minutes of observing couples, whether they are loving happily ever after, or not. When they are, it’s pleasant to be around. It’s a peaceful environment where praise, co-operation and kindness creep in. When it’s not, it’s Continue reading →

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My What Big Ears You Have…

26 Apr

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”  Stephen R. Covey.

How to NOT listen:

  • zone out
  • ignore details
  • be impatient
  • control or compete
  • hear what you YOU expect to hear based on assumption, stereotype or prejudice

How to REALLY listen:

  • focus
  • pay attention and remove distractions
  • patiently appreciate their effort to communicate
  • listen with your ears, eyes and heart so as to grasp the basic message and the feeling and meaning behind it, along with the unsaid
  • if you aren’t sure of the deeper message, seek clarification by asking gentle questions like ” When you said…what did you actually mean?”
  • when do you understand, take the time to reflect back what you have heard so he or she can process and hear their own thoughts e.g “Sounds like you’re really hungry Mr Wolf.”

When we use our ears to listen with an intent to understand, we:

  • absorb the words and allow them to bounce around in us until they sink in enough to touch our feelings and create meaning
  • turn on compassion
  • open our hearts in the present moment
  • make the other person feel heard and validated
  • create an environment of emotional safety and,
  • hopefully avoid being gobbled up.

How are your listening skills?

 

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Beauty And The Beast.

4 Apr
Credit: Wallpapersus.com

Credit: Wallpapersus.com

I have noticed a bit of a trend here in New Zealand on open social network platforms, a trend that I believe probably needs a lot of education and a slather of magic to actually create change. It’s a modern version of the tall poppy syndrome.

Working with couples for a quarter of a century I’ve noticed a similar trend.

  • It’s easier to be negative than it is to be positive.
  • It’s easier to take offence and be offensive, than it is to distance and disentangle.
  • It’s easier to point the finger and blame than it is to drop deeply within oneself and wonder why such a strong response got activated within us.
  • It’s easier to jump on someone when they are down than it is to realize we all make mistakes, we are all imperfect and we all have beastly parts that luckily don’t appear very often in a public arena.
  • It’s easier to fight and fume than it is to let it go, forgive or forget.
  • It’s easier to criticize and feel contempt than it is to stay curious and compassionate.

If a news reader makes a mistake by not realizing their microphone is still on when they expresses a personal opinion, how come it is so difficult for so many to be able to simply say “Gosh, how interesting.” Or, “How embarrasing.”

It’s good to remember my saying,”Opinion is not truth.” Whatever she said is really just an estimation of reality. Is it fact, fallacy or fiction? Rather than telling, teaching or preaching and trying to force someone to recognize an error, whatever happened to gently encouraging someone to question more thoroughly what they accept as truth, or trusting that they are capable of learning their own lesson?

When we are able to move away from reacting with biased viewpoints, discrimination and prejudice and are able to move towards tolerance, fairness and equality, pure hearts begin to shine.

 

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Perfect Valentines Gift.

13 Feb
Copy and print

Copy and print and slip in a card. Or slip it under your beloved’s nose and ask for a copy

Fairytale Love is a playful yet powerful relationship self-help guide that optimistically unlocks eighty-eight love-enriching secrets of forever after, using inspirational solutions and accessible advice.

These are the four chapters:

Fairytale Love 01I have looked at the best way to buy the book, as a loving present for yourself, or as a present for your beloved. Just click on one of the buttons on the right depending on which part of the world you are in. Thank so much x

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Finding Hidden Treasure.

17 May

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One of the reasons why being in therapy uncovers truth and causes discomfort so readily for people, is because it takes place in unfamiliar surroundings, with an unfamiliar person.

The therapist’s care, compassion, and intense focus on you can actually make it easier to find hidden treasure. When they focus on you and you focus on yourself, it makes it more difficult to become distracted or sidetracked. In fairytales, it’s akin to finding yourself alone in a dark cave or deep woods. Without distraction it’s so much easier to see how you operate. It also enables exploration of outcomes and Continue reading →

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Snow White And Rose Red.

5 Apr
Rose Red and Snow White

Photo credit and thanks to Nisha Ravji Photography and Models Sabina Vixen and Candy Thorne.

Snow White and Rose Red is a Brother’s Grimm fairytale about two sisters who shared a close and loving friendship with each other, where ‘No evil ever befell them.’

Their widowed mother taught them ‘What one has, she must share with another,’  so they effortlessly obeyed and shared whatever they had. This fostered the type of generosity and kindness that enabled them to offer shelter to a half-frozen bear who knocked on their door in the middle of winter, asking to be warmed. He became a trusted family friend, and when he left in the spring, they were sad. On their many adventures they encountered Continue reading →

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Set In Stone?

1 Feb

IMG_8287

“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” Pericles

Would you like to be remembered as someone who approached life in a calm and curious way, who lovingly affirmed and praised those close to you, or is it more likely that you are heading in the direction of leaving an imprint as someone who is frustrated, critical and irritated?

If you recognize that even a small part of you is heading towards the latter, here are several things you could do to invite more neutrality and less Continue reading →

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