From Animal Man – a DC Comic
The simple rules of how to happily co-exist in a relationship apply whether you’ve been together for one year or thirty years. I can usually work out within five minutes of observing couples, whether they are loving happily ever after, or not. When they are, it’s pleasant to be around. It’s a peaceful environment where praise, co-operation and kindness creep in. When it’s not, it’s Continue reading
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey.
How to NOT listen:
How to REALLY listen:
When we use our ears to listen with an intent to understand, we:
How are your listening skills?
Credit: Wallpapersus.com
I have noticed a bit of a trend here in New Zealand on open social network platforms, a trend that I believe probably needs a lot of education and a slather of magic to actually create change. It’s a modern version of the tall poppy syndrome.
Working with couples for a quarter of a century I’ve noticed a similar trend.
If a news reader makes a mistake by not realizing their microphone is still on when they expresses a personal opinion, how come it is so difficult for so many to be able to simply say “Gosh, how interesting.” Or, “How embarrasing.”
It’s good to remember my saying,”Opinion is not truth.” Whatever she said is really just an estimation of reality. Is it fact, fallacy or fiction? Rather than telling, teaching or preaching and trying to force someone to recognize an error, whatever happened to gently encouraging someone to question more thoroughly what they accept as truth, or trusting that they are capable of learning their own lesson?
When we are able to move away from reacting with biased viewpoints, discrimination and prejudice and are able to move towards tolerance, fairness and equality, pure hearts begin to shine.
Credit to artist Evan Heasman – Soju Shots. This is his princess.
In the middle of a cold wet winter day, hauling in our olive harvest, dressed in drenched rags, full of the flu, I heard myself asking the angels for a miracle, a way out of unfortunate circumstances, a way back to my sparkle.
I usually like to sit in the Cinderella story as either the fairy godmother who helps others see their brilliance and potential, or as the bejewelled sparkling girl at the ball, feeling proud of my own accomplishments. I am not at all comfortable being Continue reading
A love cake for The Wolf
Something that I like to do on Valentines Day is to create a theme and an atmosphere that sets the day apart from any other day. I am not sure why some people think that celebrating the love you have for each other has to be commercial, flashy or expensive when cake and a really fun conversation can create delightfully happy memories.
This year I’m going for a fairytale theme and here are my questions: Continue reading
“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” Pericles
Would you like to be remembered as someone who approached life in a calm and curious way, who lovingly affirmed and praised those close to you, or is it more likely that you are heading in the direction of leaving an imprint as someone who is frustrated, critical and irritated?
If you recognize that even a small part of you is heading towards the latter, here are several things you could do to invite more neutrality and less Continue reading
With Christmas nearly upon us, I am mindful that extra stress, added pressures and a lot of time spent in each others company (often in confined quarters), can sometimes turn those already struggling to restrain their snappy selves, into snarling Big Bad Wolves.
Incredible art from Soju Shots
Here’s my wisdom for you wrapped up in a big red bow: If we continue to concentrate on the things that other people do to annoy, irritate or aggravate us, and if we highlight and chew over it long enough, it magnifies a problem and leads to more Continue reading
For exactly half of my life now, I have devoted a lot of time working with individuals and couples, transforming difficult problems in imaginative ways, so I am a great believer in seeking creative solutions in times of stuckness. Looking outside of yourself and your relationship, sooner rather than later, for someone who uses their magic to coach, advise, counsel and support you, can be the difference between loving forever after and broken dreams.
A fairy & me at my fairy party when I turned 35 – photo by Hayley French
In Fairytales, a Fairy Godmother is a fairy with magical powers that is in charge of mentoring. She is someone who takes a particular interest in the upbringing and personal development of a select group of people that come under her umbrella of care. Times have changed so much. People don’t have or don’t make the time to be really present in that kind of way for others anymore. Our society hollers ‘Stay busy!’ ‘Distraction is good!’ ‘Disconnection is even better! ‘Drink this and all will be well,’ none of which create the space to be Godparent like towards Continue reading
The Owl and the Pussycat is a famous nonsense poem, written in 1871 by artist and poet Edward Lear about two critters who went to sea in a beautiful pea green boat. His words, as absurd as they are, have the ability to conjure up strong images. What’s so interesting about reading anything created by someone else, is that our response is personal to us, and is coloured, either positively or negatively in some way by our own story.
Three different people with different outlooks and beliefs could close their eyes and see an owl and a pussycat getting married by a turkey and come up with three entirely different views and opinions. Unless the opinions are uplifting, inspiring, supportive and add to the enjoyment of the owl and the pussycat getting married by a turkey, maybe we all need to learn that it makes more sense to keep them to oneself?
Continue reading
Many women say they wish their partners could be more this or more that. When I ask them if they think their partner was given those things as a child, the answer is generally a resounding no.
The aim here is not to blame or shame or parent bash. We all know everyone does the best job they can with the wisdom they have at the time. All children will conjure up their own particular unmet need no matter how fabulous their parents are or were.
When we can identity the particular positive, affirming words and behaviours we longed to hear and experience as children, we can understand why we still hunger for these same things as adults, and it gives us a very good clue as to why we may find it almost impossible to give our loved ones what we never got.
The single most magical thing that you can generously do for you beloved, is to be their genie and do your best to give them what they have always wished and longed for. Continue reading
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Leanne French Relationship Expert & Counsellor 