Never Ever Dull My Sparkle.

16 Jun
Credit to artist Evan Heasman - Soju Shots. This is his princess.

Credit to artist Evan Heasman – Soju Shots. This is his princess.

In the middle of a cold wet winter day, hauling in our olive harvest, dressed in drenched rags, full of the flu, I heard myself asking the angels for a miracle, a way out of unfortunate circumstances, a way back to my sparkle.

I usually like to sit in the Cinderella story as either the fairy godmother who helps others see their brilliance and potential, or as the bejewelled sparkling girl at the ball, feeling proud of my own accomplishments. I am not at all comfortable being unjustly oppressed.

Angela Neik has written a great article on adult bullies. It’s well worth a read.

Our adult bully has been strategizing now for two years. We get that he cannot stand that we are accomplished, that we have had, and still have the kind of artistic talent, life and relationship he dreams of. We get that he went as far as he could to copy our life, and that deep down it pains a worthlessness within him to know that he can neither have us or get us out of his way.

We also take full responsibility for knowingly hurting him when we rejected him. We cut off a source of recognition and admiration which he greatly desires. That’s how we became targets. It triggered his rage and fuelled his efforts to discredit our achievements; compete with our business; destroy our community standing and negatively influence some of our friendships. That is a consequence of stepping away from a narcissist.

What we don’t get, when adult bullies strike is why nobody steps in to help. Why do bystanders allow it? Is it because they fear being the next target? Or do they get swept away by the charm, the con, or the carrot that the bully dangles? Or do they simply not recognize parasitic behavior? It’s only when you become the target, that you get to be on the receiving end of payback and  evil.

Rather than buy into his games and endless attempts to pull us down, destroy our light and our reputation, we refuse to be victims. We don’t bite back or seek retribution and we don’t give in or give up. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Scar tissue is stronger than skin. Like the moral in Cinderella, graciousness is priceless. Regardless of how we are treated, we intend to continue to shine.

Staying away means we still have enough magic left to turn pumpkins into golden carriages, mice into horses, rags into jewelled gowns and carry out transformative acts for ourselves and others. We know that like Cinderella, it’s up to us to find new opportunities and make remarkable plans with happy endings.

To talk about this, or to write about it, apparently just gives the trolls more power. I don’t think anything we do or don’t do changes the situation. It is what it is. My sole purpose in sharing is because I am authentic, and I know other people are experiencing similar situations and might appreciate not being so alone in their plight, and I want to get it out of the way so I can get on with sharing the more uplifting posts I am accustomed to.

What would you do? Would you honestly express how you feel and what you have experienced and risk more consequences? Or would you zip it up and pretend it’s all okay for the sole purpose of tricking the bully into believing they are having no effect whatsoever? Or would you find some glass slippers and get the hell out of town?

2 Responses to “Never Ever Dull My Sparkle.”

  1. emmamakesmccleary June 16, 2013 at 7:57 pm #

    It takes energy to stand up against these things and I think that’s sadly why sometimes people don’t. Maybe they think its not their fight? Or they don’t understand the
    good that stopping those kind of comments when they happen can do. If you hear gossip then saying, “that doesn’t sound like (insert name)” is a great way to stop it.

    Talking about it is a great idea too. Yeah, haters gonna hate but now you’ve told people so maybe we can be more alert for you/ because of you.


    • Wolfies June 16, 2013 at 11:20 pm #

      I think you are right Emma. And I think it’s also kind of the way of the world. Unfortunately a fight is two ways and as much as I would have loved to have knocked on their door and punched them in the nose, I am a great believer of karma. Hopefully now I have got it off my chest, my cough might stop!


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