Less Of The Big Bad Wolf.

21 Dec

With Christmas nearly upon us, I am mindful that extra stress, added pressures and a lot of time spent in each others company (often in confined quarters), can sometimes turn those already struggling to restrain their snappy selves, into snarling Big Bad Wolves.

Incredible art from Soju Shots

Here’s my wisdom for you wrapped up in a big red bow: If we continue to concentrate on the things that other people do to annoy, irritate or aggravate us, and if we highlight and chew over it long enough, it magnifies a problem and leads to more conflict and disappointment. Pointing the finger, blaming and feeling ripped off is no recipe for success.

It’s not possible to give or receive love if you are in a blaming, criticizing cycle. Most of the time couples try, wish and hope to change each other, instead of taking a look within to see what they might need to change about themselves. If and when you feel like you’re not getting what you want, look at what begins to surface in relation to how you believe you are being treated. Then, work out if your feelings are rational, whether they are old and familiar, or whether they are warranted. See if there’s anything about your behaviour that needs to change, or could change, to create more constructive situations. It’s vital to promise to move away from the drive to criticize, push and demand.

To diffuse conflict, it’s helpful to believe in, and value harmony.

Think about what you are saying.
What is your intention?
What drives you to say it?
What result do you desire?
How can you best achieve that?

The Golden Rules:

Be prepared to apologize if you are discounting, disrespectful, dishonest or distant.
Check your own mood. See if you are being reasonable. Put your sharp wolf teeth away.
Explain what’s wrong in a calm manner. Watch your tone. An underlying snarl is not sweet talk. Don’t trick or con.
Ask for clarification to get a better understanding of their perspective.
Have the courage to be vulnerable.
Resist the temptation to threaten or make ultimatums.
Be tolerant.
Stay hopeful and reduce your agitation.
Inject some magic or nonsense into the mix and change the channel.
As always, aim to treat each other with respect.