With Christmas nearly upon us, I am mindful that extra stress, added pressures and a lot of time spent in each others company (often in confined quarters), can sometimes turn those already struggling to restrain their snappy selves, into snarling Big Bad Wolves.
Here’s my wisdom for you wrapped up in a big red bow: If we continue to concentrate on the things that other people do to annoy, irritate or aggravate us, and if we highlight and chew over it long enough, it magnifies a problem and leads to more Continue reading →
Ancient fairytales continue to weave their magic and surprise and delight us, even in these modern times. If we want love to spring forward from the depths and splash its way through our lifetime of love we need to invite in loads of little sparks of spontaneity. Unpredictably breathes new life into boring routines. There is always magic waiting. It hides around corners we never knew existed. In order to experience wonder and blissful moments we have to be open to them. We need to embrace the unknown, leave time and room in our schedules for last minute invitations, and follow cravings, desires and whims when they hit. Who doesn’t want to have wishes filled and true love fulfilled? Spontaneity doesn’t just happen; we have to make it happen.
Us on Date night – chilling on a wharf watching the amazing night sky
Sharing time, intimacy, spaces, ideas, dreams and adventures keeps relationships strong.
For exactly half of my life now, I have devoted a lot of time working with individuals and couples, transforming difficult problems in imaginative ways, so I am a great believer in seeking creative solutions in times of stuckness. Looking outside of yourself and your relationship, sooner rather than later, for someone who uses their magic to coach, advise, counsel and support you, can be the difference between loving forever after and broken dreams.
A fairy & me at my fairy party when I turned 35 – photo by Hayley French
In Fairytales, a Fairy Godmother is a fairy with magical powers that is in charge of mentoring. She is someone who takes a particular interest in the upbringing and personal development of a select group of people that come under her umbrella of care. Times have changed so much. People don’t have or don’t make the time to be really present in that kind of way for others anymore. Our society hollers ‘Stay busy!’ ‘Distraction is good!’ ‘Disconnection is even better! ‘Drink this and all will be well,’ none of which create the space to be Godparent like towards Continue reading →
Many women say they wish their partners could be more this or more that. When I ask them if they think their partner was given those things as a child, the answer is generally a resounding no.
The aim here is not to blame or shame or parent bash. We all know everyone does the best job they can with the wisdom they have at the time. All children will conjure up their own particular unmet need no matter how fabulous their parents are or were.
When we can identity the particular positive, affirming words and behaviours we longed to hear and experience as children, we can understand why we still hunger for these same things as adults, and it gives us a very good clue as to why we may find it almost impossible to give our loved ones what we never got.
The single most magical thing that you can generously do for you beloved, is to be their genie and do your best to give them what they have always wished and longed for. Continue reading →
There is a common trap that difficult people set for us in the jungle, a trap that we need to slow down enough to recognize, and be courageous enough to deal with in a new way, or it will have us falling right into a hole too deep to dig ourselves out of.
Trap setters don’t do vulnerability. Instead, they do blame and whirling storms of shame. Their behaviours invite avoidance and reactivity and eventual hostility.
Whether we trip over it by accident, or intentionally seek it out, inspiration is one of the most fulfilling ingredients of life. It invites a deeper sense of connection, a stronger sense of belonging and throws us a lifeline that links us to our particular tribe.
monarch butterfly up close
Fascination beckons us to step closer, to lean in, to listen, to look, to drink in the beauty, to marvel at and become enchanted by. If we keep paying attention, something will eventually roar right at us and resonate with the raw passion that lives within. You will know when it awakens, it will make your heart sing, give you goosebumps, bring a tear to your eye, make you giggle with delight and leave you hungry for more.
Inspiration arouses interest, enriches and enlivens. It’s like a relay race. We take what we get given, put our own slant on it, burst forward with productivity and creativity, and pass it forward which in turn inspires others.
Bite size pieces of inspiration are like dragon food. They feed our starving souls and fiery imaginations and drive us forward on our own passionate path fueling us to further engage in new possibilities, to create more ferociously and love more fiercely.
Conjure up calmness. Hit your mute button. Press your palms against a hard surface to release tension, count to ten and breathe low and slow into your belly.
Remember why you love each other.
Be willing to see your beloved’s vulnerable self, and come from that place within yourself.
Hear what they have to say with open ears and an open heart rather than defending or justifying your position. Ask this question: What specifically do you need from me in order to feel better?
Manage your words and behaviours. Be absolutely aware of what you could do or say that would escalate the situation or hurt the person, and always choose a respectful reply.
Leanne French Relationship Expert & Counsellor 