“Within you, there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.” – Hermann Hesse.
When our external world changes too rapidly, it can ramp up fear, stress and anxiety. Crammed minds, overwhelm and exhaustion combined with less connection and enjoyment, takes its toll on our nervous system. Shocking experiences, oodles of uncertainty and unexpected events cause acute stress responses in us, and self soothing is the antidote.
Self soothing helps lower cortisol levels, calms our mind, body and gut; resetting, rebalancing and returning us to our felt sense of safety, enabling us to either let go of, or circle back to what we need to pay attention to in a more manageable, emotionally regulated way. It begins with a 30 second pause, longer exhales, a lot of grounding, engaging our five senses, being kinder to ourselves, doing things we love, consciously relaxing and it extends to mindfully not labelling or judging our reactions and feelings so much.
Deepening our engagement and choosing a pleasurable activity that settles our emotions and helps us manage our stressors, gently and compassionately offers relief from distress. When we really look, listen, inhale, taste and touch nice things, we shift our focus away from what’s bothering us. We need to learn to mindfully choose healthy distractions and adaptive coping mechanisms rather than maladaptive ones like sloshing down booze, mindless scrolling and gobbling whole tubs of ice cream.
Ways to self soothe:
- Place a hand on your heart and close your eyes
- Practise focused breathing, in for four, out for eight
- Anchor your mind with an I am safe and all is well affirmation
- Touch something soft
- Listen to relaxing sounds
- Breathe in calming scents
- Taste something yummy like a warm drink or sparkling water bubbles
- Give yourself a butterfly hug or stroke your arms
- Squeeze a stress ball
- Look out to the horizon
- Splash cold water on your face
- Change into comfy clothes
- Spend time with pets and plants
- Get lost in a craft or a movie
- Go to a happy haven in your imagination
- Look at a photo of someone you love
- Soak up a patch of sunshine
- Take a 20 minute walk
- Watch something that makes you laugh
- Closely observe an object
- Immerse and ground yourself in beautiful surroundings
- Take a warm soak or shower
- Offer yourself compassionate, kind, reassuring self talk
- Lie down and do a body scan, muscle relaxing meditation
- Tense and relax parts of your body that feel tight or uncomfortable
- Jiggle your legs and rub your hands on your thighs
- Try making vocal sounds and vibrations
- Listen to an uplifting podcast
- Meditate for ten minutes. Link below.
To feel good we need to do things that are good for us.
Leanne French Relationship Expert & Counsellor 