Emotional wellbeing | Leanne French Relationship Expert & Counsellor

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Self Soothing Relieves Distress.

“Within you, there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.” – Hermann Hesse.

When our external world changes too rapidly, it can ramp up fear, stress and anxiety. Crammed minds, overwhelm and exhaustion combined with less connection and enjoyment, takes its toll on our nervous system. Shocking experiences, oodles of uncertainty and unexpected events cause acute stress responses in us, and self soothing is the antidote.

Self soothing helps lower cortisol levels, calms our mind, body and gut; resetting, rebalancing and returning us to our felt sense of safety, enabling us to either let go of, or circle back to what we need to pay attention to in a more manageable, emotionally regulated way. It begins with a 30 second pause, longer exhales, a lot of grounding, engaging our five senses, being kinder to ourselves, doing things we love, consciously relaxing and it extends to mindfully not labelling or judging our reactions and feelings so much.

Deepening our engagement and choosing a pleasurable activity that settles our emotions and helps us manage our stressors, gently and compassionately offers relief from distress. When we really look, listen, inhale, taste and touch nice things, we shift our focus away from what’s bothering us. We need to learn to mindfully choose healthy distractions and adaptive coping mechanisms rather than maladaptive ones like sloshing down booze, mindless scrolling and gobbling whole tubs of ice cream.

Ways to self soothe:

Place a hand on your heart and close your eyes
Practise focused breathing, in for four, out for eight
Anchor your mind with an I am safe and all is well affirmation
Touch something soft
Listen to relaxing sounds
Breathe in calming scents
Taste something yummy like a warm drink or sparkling water bubbles
Give yourself a butterfly hug or stroke your arms
Squeeze a stress ball
Look out to the horizon
Splash cold water on your face
Change into comfy clothes
Spend time with pets and plants
Get lost in a craft or a movie
Go to a happy haven in your imagination
Look at a photo of someone you love
Soak up a patch of sunshine
Take a 20 minute walk
Watch something that makes you laugh
Closely observe an object
Immerse and ground yourself in beautiful surroundings
Take a warm soak or shower
Offer yourself compassionate, kind, reassuring self talk
Lie down and do a body scan, muscle relaxing meditation
Tense and relax parts of your body that feel tight or uncomfortable
Jiggle your legs and rub your hands on your thighs
Try making vocal sounds and vibrations
Listen to an uplifting podcast
Meditate for ten minutes. Link below.

To feel good we need to do things that are good for us.

Tags: cortisol levels, emotional regulation, Emotional wellbeing, How to relieve distress, How to self soothe, Leanne French Counsellor, mental-health, Mindfulness, relaxation, self soothing, Self-care, stress, telehealth counsellor, Workplace stress

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Categories anxiety, Health, Mindfulness, Resilience, Self-care, stress, Wellbeing

10 Holiday Season Sanity Savers.

20 Dec

Make lists and check them twice.
How you deal with tangled Christmas lights is usually a reflection of how you live your life. Aim for an attitude of “I can do this.” Stay curious, creative and calm.
If this time of the year is lonely or grief filled which it is for so many, it really is ok to acknowledge and embrace the truth of this. I’m sorry for your loss. Have it be okay to skip gatherings altogether if you need to, or seek support, light a candle in their honour, or make a plan to sprinkle a special favourite of theirs throughout your day like something from nature, or a favourite movie or drink.
If this time of the year is overloaded and overwhelming, choose your social commitments. If you sway between over responsible or obligated, you don’t have to do it all. Check your deeper needs and then just say yes or no. You don’t have to justify and defend or over explain your reasons.
Be sure to have sparkling mineral water, lime and sodas and other favourite sober alternatives on hand for special occasion days.
Get plenty of quality sleep to stay resourced and avoid reactive responses. Keep your breathing low and slow and your fuse long.
Avoid running yourself ragged. Top yourself up with tiny joys, time out and healthy treats. Throw in some belly laughs and nonsense for good measure, it’s the silly season after all.
Never put yourself under financial pressure or go into debt to please others. Love is really enough in lean times. Remember too that the gift of your company, or handmade is planet saving and precious.
Consider what might go down at family gatherings and be prepared. Think about all the possible ways you and they could be naughty or nice and do your best to remain calm and drama free. Remember the value of brief exits, breathing and excusing yourself for chores, games and outside time.
If you have kids, or kids are present at celebrations, prioritize their emotions above your own as best as you can. They don’t want grown ups to be irritable, impatient or glued to devices. Put love and connection as front and centre as you can. Don’t make them hug or kiss anyone they don’t want to. If you’re at a gathering and someone’s neurodivergent child is wearing their noise cancelling headphones, don’t make a big deal out of it. They’re in self care mode. And if you’ve recently separated, or are going through difficult times, I send you strength. Buckle up for the ride, travel safely one and all and remember that speaking respectfully and kindly is a goal that also calms your nervous system.